My Mom found a lump in her breast. Does she have breast cancer?
This was the question I was thinking about two whole weeks until we get the answer.
The most horrible thing was this uncertainty.
The uncertainty was a bitch. A really fucking bitch.
My brain was also fucked of in this time.
Does my Mommy have breast cancer?
Does she have just a limescale?
What was it in her breast?
But I have to living with uncertainty. I don’t get a chance.
On the 7th of June, one day after my Mom told me that she found a lump in her breast, I went to work. After work, I drive home by bicycle. And the thoughts wouldn’t stop.
It was a rainy day, but in this moment the rain fits with my emotions.
Sometimes on the way back home, I realized that I get wet anyway and after this thought it was okay.
It was okay that I will get wet, it was okay that I think so much, it was okay that I was afraid and for this moment it was okay if my Mum has breast cancer.
And for this little moment, I believe in my positive thoughts. I was completely sure that she can fight cancer and that this situation is right. Anyone has a plan and for some reason, this should happen.
But of course, there was also
a little voice who talks to me and gives me hope.
Maybe my Mommy doesn’t have breast cancer.
Maybe it’s nothing bad.
At this day, I talked a lot with
my Mom. About her fears and we decided that we must think positive.
The next day should be the day we get the answer of the doctor if there is something bad in Mom’s breast.
We should get the answer if it’s just a limescale or something for what Mom has to make more doctor appointments.
We have to wait until 8 pm. The whole family (Mom, Dad, my little brother, my bigger sister and I) were in the living room try not to think about it but only wait for the phone bell.
The phone bells ring, my Mom get the telephone and I could see it on her face.
It wasn’t the good news.
And we have to wait until Monday the 12 of June. My Mummy has to make a biopsy to see if it’s a good or a bad tumor.
I cried but the most horrible thing was again the uncertainty.
At this evening, I went to my two best friends and as I walked in they could see the answer on my face.
They just hold me in their arms and tried to make me think positive.
Only one of five women who found a lump in her breast has cancer.
One of five.
Okay, I think, my Mom has to be number five.
That goes out to all the beautiful and powerful women’s who have to fight against cancer. And this goes out to all the families who have to go through such hard times.
Feel free to leave a comment! Maybe you know such a situation and want to tell your story.
Leonie the Lion